something that should have been done a long time ago.

Its like
There is this thing in my throat that I want to cough up. I want to take it out and see what it has to say about all this, but it is nestled in too deep. I think it has claws. Ones that grip and hold on tight with all the strength they can muster. It's got little beady eyes too, ones that behold all of the crap I shove down. The crap that comes right back up. It must be huge, the thing in my throat, because I can't seem to get anything past it. It must have been in there a while, growing and feeding. I wonder what it was eating, that fucking little thing in my throat. Maybe it was eating all the turmoil. It was snacking on all of the yelling and shouting, the stuff that I would drown out by turning on my tape player as loud as it would go. Maybe all that stuff got into my throat and this little menacing demon licked it all up like chocolate. And as I got older, it grew with me. It became a wall that guarded my tower and peered out from behind my tongue with its huge, undulating belly. And maybe this little fucker wants me to be just like them. Maybe it too wants me to have anger and madness and help create other little fat, cackling demons in other people's throats. I don't want this little fucking monster in me, anymore. I don't want to feed it, anymore. How do I rid myself of this scheming, crafty little bastard?! Do I stab at it with needles and implements? Do I drink stinging liquid to burn its skin and push it down into my belly? Do I use my hands and grasp at it or scare it away with bright colors and the smell of fixative solution? Sometimes, when I yell, not for anger or for sorrow, but for joy and feeling, I can feel it weaken. I feel it shrivel up as I steal back its nourishment. I'm going to scream for you, little clawed and toothed devil.
I AM GOING TO SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT!!!
UNTIL MY LIPS ARE RAW AND MY THROAT IS SORE!!
I AM GOING TO MAKE YOUR WALL CRUMBLE!!
I AM GOING TO PUMP MY FIST AND STOMP MY FEET AND LAUGH WHILE YOU WHIMPER ON THE GROUND!! YOU ARE CRUSHED!! I WILL TURN YOU INTO RUST!!
ALL IS LOVE!
ALL IS LOVE!
ALL IS LOVE!
ALL IS LOVE!