I've been trying to accomplish something
just SOMETHING to give me a little recognition
to remind myself that I am not completely worthless
so I spent the last of my dollars on submitting art pieces to some bullshit contest
too bad I'm not completely full of myself and willing to churn out piles of (while still perfectly executed) self-indulgent, meaningless crap or else maybe I'd have a good shot at winning something.
I read a few poems for a slam at school, and I keep thinking about them and about how much they sucked and how embarrassed I now am because of that.
I'm going to try to start writing and/or illustrating childrens books, hopefully with the help of Johanna, we can collaborate on something. eventually. I like kids, I want to help them, and maybe show them how beautiful the world can be, despite all the unforgiving, hard-to-comprehend stuff.
I think I got my mom to back off on all her crap now, so maybe JUST maybe I can start living my own life and not one that she insists on parenting every step of the way.
On a more metaphorical note:
It is sad, how people drift apart. I guess you should be thankful for the time you had in the past, but it is crazy how you think you're so close to a person and could never get over being apart from them one day, and then suddenly its something that just happens before you even care to notice it. But (seeing as it is thanksgiving), I suppose we should be thankful for the time our paths were crossing, for the moments we walked together, and do nothing more than hug and wave goodbye as they start getting further apart. Godspeed.
well I suppose, I should make known the person who is gracing my vagina with his presence..
okay so we don't just have sex
we also make fun of stupid people
and play video games
and eat sandwiches.
and sometimes we stand in endless 2d planes of existence with explosions and sound effects and mustaches and unicorn horns. Here is one of those times:
and I don't care if he gets me sick (or plays klax)or that we have to pay for sushi with change because we're both too poor
because I appreciate everything about him
and because sometimes we say 'i love you'
and that's all that matters.
/gay
footnote: I apparently can only draw crappy sketches nowadays. I apparently suck ass.
and my room smells like A1 steak sauce. (It's my lube)
i feel you on the need to get your stuff out there. theres nothing like having a portfolio splitting at the seams with an excessive amount of work that ends up being nothing more than a decoration besides your nintendo console, serving a worthy purpose as a table top and beer coaster.
ReplyDeletetake it from someone who has read his shitty material several times in front of audiences, its better to read at a school slam and dislike every word you puke from your existence than to not expose anyone ever to your work, you have to apply effort, and being self conscious is all part of the chemistry of being creative.
That self consciousness makes it's easy for us to conjure up ideas and tell ourselves we're going to do something, but hard to actually commit to and do, because we fear ourselves so much we don't think putting the effort in is worth it.
But we have to! Collaborations are healthy because they require other peoples help, which in turn, makes you responsible and held accountable for. It becomes very easy for us to let ourselves down but when someone else is counting on us we tend to suck it up and just do it.
Collaborate, set dead lines, toss every thing you got at people, whether or not you like it, whether or not you felt rushed or felt like you didn't put enough into it. I'm not just talking for you, I'm talking for everyone, even myself, WE NEED TO HAVE CONCRETE EVIDENCE OF OUR WORK! It makes us feel accomplished and its the only way to function as an artist.
I wish you the best of luck with your kids book and encourage you to do it, I really think its a good idea. its cool yr moms being less of a bitch. it'll take her a while to fully accept that you're not a little child she needs to shelter and cradle. growing up is fucking weird.
i really agreed with you on a lot of your feelings, and i think the way you describe them is very special, you manage to take very universal themes and express them in a gentle, personal way but in an exposed and humorous fashion. it's that's a good reason alone to continue writing and working on art, and that's why i continue to follow you in your self proclaimed called shit blog and continue to leave stupidly lengthy comments
you got a good heart, you should embrace it and not let it get too broken and bitter over time. it makes me very happy to know you got someone to share that gentle heart of yours with.
i fucking hate kids
i love you, dan man! your comments never fail to cheer me up. I'm sorry I haven't called you lately but I hope we can chill soon. underneath your hardass exterior, you're a goddamned sweetheart :]
ReplyDeleteshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....fuck you bitch!
ReplyDelete