There is absolutely no double meaning or anger behind the words I have written.

"If you think I'm tired today, wait until you see me tomorrow."
-lisa's mom


I am in Palm Springs.
Father/daughter vacation extravaganza!
I found out that we have something in common, this evening.
I inherited something from him, something that wrestles around our brain meats. Anxiety of sorts, I suppose. We both have these worries that creep up every once in a while.
For me, its whenever I'm close with someone. I become the overly jealous friend, or the too sensitive girlfriend. I will sometimes lay awake at night and think
and think
and worry
and think.
I know its crazy though, this is the catch. I know I'm being overly dramatic, I know I worry way too much over things that don't matter, and yet I can't stop it from happening, no matter how much I resist.
And this makes me depressed.
Until of course, it all goes away. Seriously, there will be times where I'm completely fine and relaxed and not anxious about anything unreasonable, and those times will go on for a while, making me believe that I've some how gotten over it all. But then it'll come back in one way or another and it'll make me sabotage good things or get upset pointlessly.
So I have these two beasts, one being a PMS monster, having only a few days left before the flood gates open, and so I'm sort of a wreck, finding solace in constantly picking away at my cuticles.
I should probably seek professional help.
But I've never been able to trust those people or their wood paneled rooms.




Oh, I scribbled this the other day:
All over your body.


Also, this guy is on a magazine cover in this hotel room.
He's funny.


"And I thank you for your attention, and I'm out of here."
-K.V.

I keep having these dreams...

where this person keeps showing up
someone I've stopped talking to and hope to never see again
and in them, I'm always extremely angry
and I just want my painting back
and my time
and energy
because of how I had wasted it.
It's just weird because of how over it I am, and yet it keeps showing up every time I sleep.


My mom got me these Carrol, Anderson and Grimm fairy tale books that were her fathers from the 1930s and 40s and gave them to me. They smell amazing. I can't wait to read them.

These guys are my current project
they're on tiny canvases that only cost 2 dollars
needless to say, I'm going to make a huge amount


something about human mouths are hilarious...









something about the rain
just makes being
in love
even better

a call to arms and feets

You
need to get over that self conscious, low esteem bullshit you've been pulling for about 6 years now
You need to realize
that you found something incredible
and you need to hold the fuck onto it
because what you're doing will push it all away eventually
and if that happens
you will regret it for the rest of your life
stop being blind
and see
that the differences in music or knowledge or whatever the fuck it is
don't fucking matter deep down
to anyone
so stop being so selfish
stop yourself from constantly wishing for more
you've already got it and you KNOW this
you hear it EVERY DAY.
so stop with the pity party
slap yourself in the face a few times
and dust your knees off
and open your goddamn eyes
and see

I am what you would call.......

I'm sorry that sometimes I say things that don't sound true.
Because the truth of the matter is, I want to see you every single day.
This is just very hard for me to tell you
without stumbling over my words
or sounding fake.
I should have warned you about this in the first place. It's this thing my brain has;
The more I like someone
The more nervous and awkward they make me.
And sometimes, just as I being to think I've gotten over this,it'll fall out of my brain like a fresh turdlet.
And I only hope that you're still willing to stick around after I've cleaned the mess up.









ps. look at my HOT ASS ms paint skillz. DAYEM.

Monster moth man.
His mustache is great.

things that go through my head when I'm at parties.

"I wonder how many beards there are in this room at this exact moment. NO wait....this whole house."

"I hope this isn't an 'everyone stands outside' party because it's really cold and my outfit which took me 20 minutes to pick out isn't 'standing outside' proof."

"Where is the couch so I can sit in a corner and invisibly judge everyone all night?"

"This beer is disgusting."

"I wonder if she actually likes that dress aesthetically or if it's an ironic thing? Is this whole party an ironic thing?"

"Ohh, please don't talk to me...yes I know I'm standing in this circle, yes I know my friend knows all of you, but I just don't have the energy to put my party mask on right now."


And, it was only after I had hastily downed the first half of my second crappy beer, observed the people standing around me and looked back down at my ironic Burt Reynolds t-shirt and poop colored cardigan sweater that I realized that I was just like EVERYONE ELSE.
I then sighed a sigh of disappointment and shame and went back to staring at my beer.
It's no goddamn use.
I am a hypocrite, one whom finds herself in awkward situations and as a barrier, mentally talks shit about everyone else. But I am the same goddamn thing anyways. I'm just really good at wearing my mask.
It is a wonder, sometimes to me, that anyone would like me in the first place.


this is how I knew: